Weasley's Wood
by scholasticcat
Summary: A tale of how Weasley caught a Wood.
1. Chapter 1

1993:

"Look at him, I'd like a piece of that bum!" said Penelope Clearwater as she watched a group of seventh year Gryffindors pass by with clamor. She waited for a particular boy, her boy, to turn around and smile at her. While the group of her friends looked at Penelope with certain wonder and disgust. Few steps down, the group had dispersed into every direction except for one.

"Penny, such lurid words should be kept inside the head not said out loud" snipped a rather ruffled seventh year Ravenclaw. Penny flicked her hair and smiled at her friend and said "better be Weasley than your yummy cousin, Audrey Wood"

"Ew please stop" the girl named Audrey pleaded as she waved ruefully at Oliver Wood, her cousin extraordinaire, prat first class and quidditch maniac. "What do you see in Weasley anyhow. He's so-"

"Lovely, polite, gorgeous, fun-" Penny rattled on.

"-not fun, stick in the mud, takes too much points away! Honestly, I'd think you're only dating him for his-his...-his-" Audrey stammered.

"Penis?" Penny finished and made her friends all audibly gag.

"What you do with his thingy is your business. But open your eyes Penn, he's no fun!" Audrey said as she glared at Weasley who just took another set of points from another younger Ravenclaw student who he had caught running with a fanged Frisbee.

"Hmm, maybe. But he's fun _for me_", replied Penelope. Audrey rolled her eyes and kept on walking deciding to drop the topic of her friend's unsavory decision for a boyfriend of sorts.

Hours later Audrey found herself in front of Professor Snape wishing that lab pairings didn't go alphabetical. Looking beside her she eyed Oliver angrily as he played around with the gingeroot as if it were a quaffle. She figured it'd be better that Oliver was her lab partner rather than Weasley. Ever since they were little, Oliver was always all about the game. Oliver taught Audrey what she knew, Oliver was the one who helped her hone her skills in the field, on dealing with men and most definitely hide broken vases from their grandmother who basically raised them both.

"Liver" Audrey hissed under her breath as she spied Snape doing his rounds.

"Do-not-call-me-that" Oliver mumbled angrily darting a glare at Audrey. She looked at him and smirked evilly. Growing up with Oliver had it's perks. She, unlike the rest of the castle, knew how he ticked. Liver always got him.

They were three when their fathers and mothers decided to go and help out in the war. Of course They were left with their Nana Sarah. The Woods didn't get back till months and months after and only one parent came home, Oliver's mom. Let me digress a bit further. That summer Oliver had gotten himself into a bet with the kids by the other hill and well of course he lost and had to eat a tablespoon of cat food as a bet. Audrey still remembered how his breathe stank of liver for a day and hence "Liver" came up.

"Audrey you promised to-" Oliver started and Audrey cut him off, "-I was under the impression that we're lab partners Liver. You aren't paying me enough if not at all to do this much coursework for you!"

"A galleon a week" Oliver offered, smirking at his cousin. She was always the one to easily get the rise off. Her ears turned as dark red as her hair whenever she got angry. One time he got her so mad since he shaved off her favourite dolls hair. Her ears were red for a day.

"Where you gonna get the money, Nana?" Audrey dared. Oliver gave her a look and tossed the gingeroot into the cauldron making Audrey scream inwardly. "Maybe, she loves me more"

"Cut the gingeroot first! small cubes!" Audrey read the last part off of their potions books.

"No worries, I crushed the thing, it'll bleed out its juice faster. Trust me" Oliver offered. Audrey looked down into the cauldron and saw the pink swirls that the book described would happen if the potion was brewed properly.

"How the hell did you do-" Audrey started but quickly silenced as she felt a roll of parchment hit her head.

"Mr. Wood, Ms. Wood" Professor Snape started. Oliver looked around and so did Audrey and saw the monstrosity of Snape shadowing their presence. "If not for your potions skills Ms Wood, you and your unfortunate cousin would have failed to gain access to this class a year ago"

"Truth be told, I'm better than her in potions" Oliver offered and Snape gave him a glare and shrunk low knowing when to shut up.

"Regardless. You're potion exceeds my expectations for now, you may leave today's lab. You are creating a verbal outrage once again" Snape finished as he pointed at the door. Audrey looked horrified and quickly packed her bag and shuffled out the classroom along with Oliver. A few steps out Oliver sighed a relief and said something about putting in some quidditch while waiting for dinner.

Audrey looked at him and breathed in heavily as she started to hit him with her potions book.

"Do you not care about anything else but your quidditch! My mark is bleeding through its ears as if it fell 20 feet from the skies onto it's head!" Audrey cried out."Not everyone has plans to become a quidditch star!"

"Whoa...wait Audrey hold it!" Oliver screamed over her grabbing her book away and holding it up out of her reach. He looked down and saw tears gathering in his cousin's eyes. He did it again, he always made her cry the worst, out of all the cousins he knew how to make her cry.

"I'm sorry...but really everything will work out you will get your NEWT's, we'll get you your dream job" Oliver said softly as he handed her his handkerchief and watched her wiped the tears away. He had forgotten how driven his cousin was and how much she wanted to be something else and not become a quafflehead Wood. All of the cousins were quidditch fanatics but Audrey was different. She was the bookish one of the generation and every generation had one, as well as one spinster. Audrey was shaping up to be the bookish and the spinster.

"You-you promised tha-that you'd do the w-work" Audrey hiccuped, "I need my NEWT's to g-g-get into the ministry"

Oliver threw and arm around her and took her knapsack onto the other, leading the smaller Wood towards the great hall. "Now now Dre, I told you since we were eleven that I'll get you your dream job"

"Don't be silly Oliver-" Audrey said as they entered the Great Hall sitting down at the end of the Gryffindor table. But before she could finish her rant Oliver had crammed a tea sandwich into her mouth.

"I'll get it for you. Okay?" Oliver said, "that is what brothers are for remember"

"We're cousins" Audrey commented. Oliver shrugged and said "Close enough".

AN:

Thanks for reading. leave a mark if you want to!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

1996:

"Wood!" called someone. Audrey was too wrapped up with her assignment that she didn't even notice Penny calling after her. She was working on the "Black file", after the event at the ministry a year ago, she and the others had been put on a top secret project. The door that Sirius Black fell into was never truly explained since it was found on site nearly two centuries ago. The Ministry had placed the building on top it to protect any other wizard kind to fall into it. It was a project that needed a level 4 of 5 clearance to have access to. Audrey had just received her clearance after her second thesis paper had been published and applauded by the academic wizarding community on physiology of trans-dimensional portals.

"Audrey Wood do not walk through that door!" Penny half screamed knowing her friend was out of touch with the world once again, "You unspeakables know us mere Level 2 ministry workers can't go through that door!"

Audrey looked up from the file and saw Penelope barring her from the "red door". She smiled meekly and explained that she really didn't hear Penny at all. Penny gave her a look of contempt but them waved it off and smiled. "We're going to lunch" Penny said as she took Audrey by the arm.

"W-why?" Audrey stammered as she looked at the red door fleeting behind her. She had too much work to do to be dilly dallying at the cafeteria. While Penny had the luxury of having long lunches, Audrey's lunch was almost undefinable as her position with in the Ministry.

"Because I'm hungry, we haven't hung out in two weeks and I slept with Weasley again" Penny said nonchalantly as they sat down at table not too far from the new recruits of the Auror Department.

"Why would you do that!" Audrey said in between her chewing minutes after Penny dropped the news of her recent two-night stand. Audrey enjoyed her lunch even after the Penny's sordid rehash, the ministry cafe had the best cook houselves as they made the best roast beef and mashers as well as fish and chips. "Didn't you two break up last year?"

"Well, yes but I'm bored" Penny said rather sordidly. "When I'm bored I hook up with _Percy_"

"Please call him Weasley, first names just humanizes his royal pain in the neck" Audrey said bitterly. She disliked Weasley, well _that_ Weasley. There was a cute Weasley that worked at the bank but he was engaged, she could still stare though.

"Have you talked to him recently?" Penny asked lazily as she powered her nose. Audrey nodded and explained that she had to face Weasley, or as people called him behind his back: Weasel-bee, every week Friday evening. They always scheduled Unspeakable meetings late at night, they were treated as if they were nocturnal which was something Audrey detested.

"He makes Oliver look like less of a prat. Weasley brown-noses like he's Siamese cat-" Audrey started ranting and stopped mid-rant to shut her mouth. Prat #1 just walked into the cafeteria and darted for Penny. She looked at her friend and laughed a little secretly thinking, "this is what you get for knocking boots with him randomly and often".

"Penny we need to talk" he said and Penny sipped her butterbeer nervously and shook her head. "Penny-"

"No we don't it was just another night Perce that's it" Penny said and Audrey saw his face fall into one of his famous frowns.

"B-but, twice in a week?" Percy asked incredulously. Penny could only shrug and give a noncomital grunt.

Audrey shifted her sight onto her roast beef and wished that her roast beef could magically make Weasley the prat to disappear. She could only take his presence once a week. He actually only had a level 3 clearance, much to Audrey's pleasure and his annoyance.

"Yes well, sorry Perce, you know" Penny loftily sang as she gave Percy her most polite, "oh where are my manners. Do you remember Wood?"

"Of course I remember Oliver" Percy said quickly which made Penny stifle a laugh. "Silly, I mean Audrey"

"Oh right, Hi Oliver's cousin" he said waving meekly at Audrey and turned away quickly.

"Hi to you too asshole" Audrey muttered as she stabbed her roast beef. She would like to kick him into the door any day but too bad he didn't have high enough clearance to get into the department of mysteries.

That Friday, Audrey sat at the end of the table and sat sunken into her seat. She was tired and the minister was drabbling on about the year before Potter incident. Her head of department has said it once, twice and many times since the Potter incident that because the Ministry's own security problem, children was able to break into the department of mysteries. "We need more security and a general overhaul of the system" Audrey's boss started. "We have muggle technology that can be adapted-"

"Out of the question!" The minister objected, "A war is about to break out, a war against muggleborns. I cannot sign off on endangering the ministry by adapting such _teklology_ or what ever that is. Weatherbee, make a note of this"

Percy jotted down furiously and looked up to see Audrey twirl her hair with her a yellow stick she used to write. It wasn't a quill, what was that?

"Wood can you please explain" Audrey's boss called out and it snapped her from her daydream about the trout dinner that was waiting for her at her Nana's house. All the cousins were in tonight she couldn't wait for the trout but didn't look forward to the 6 male cousins. She was the only female wood of the generation, while there had been 2 males and 3 females the generation before. In fact there were only two Woods in existence minus her Nana; Audrey and Oliver. The other cousins had their respective fathers' surnames.

She looked at the minister and then Weasley then the minister again. "We are not suggesting to install devices but to mimic its use. We have an excellent charms specialist in our team sir."

"What sort of charms?" the minister asked.

"Uhm, video circum in absencia- , abscito portae-, name it he can make it" Audrey finished making sure she never finished any of the old world spells as to not caste them. Her boss proceeded and explained that it would be in the Ministry's best interest to monitor the Department of Ministries more closely as well as inbound visitors after the Potter incident. Audrey blocked out the rest of the meeting, she'd be able to read it on the official minutes the day after anyhow.

A few minutes after Audrey was rushing out of the Ministry so she could apparate to her Nana's but was stopped by Weasley. Oh how she detested his stupid pompous manner, his annoying curly hair, his annoying arrogance. She tried to walk away fast enough but he and his long legs caught up to her.

"Hey, wait. Wood." he called after her. She hoped that when she turned around all of his parchment rolls would've spilled all over the floor. Or maybe she wished that he tripped on the way. Such bad thoughts, such angry thoughts. Turning around she saw him standing, straight as a ruler as always. She often wondered if he had a ruler up his ass as suggested by Oliver during their first year at Hogwarts.

"Its Audrey, learn the name" She snapped back. Up close he looked fairly okay, but she couldn't shake off his work sneer that she had the urge to punch his aquiline nose in.

"Audrey, just wanted to uhm, say hi and well its about Penny" Percy started but Audrey was already bored. Was he really that boring?

"No no no, you two deal with whatever you two are doing. I've said that since Hogwarts I say it now. Anyhow I got to go sorry" Audrey waived off as she walked further to the apparition point. He stepped further to talk to her and she turned around to apologized to Weasley again then popped away landing on a jinx apparition point at her Nana's house.

"PRATS!" she screamed as she walked out of the tub of water she had landed in forgetting all about pompous Weasley for a few cold seconds. There was an eruption of laughter in the parlor and feet scurried into the foyer. Four tall athletic men stumbled into the room laughing so hard that Audrey's protests of their childish prank was drowned.

"G'evening spinster cousin of mine" said one of the men who was wearing a cannon's jersey.

"I can't dry, Ryan whats is this water?" Audrey huffed as she tried a drying spell on her clothing.

"Oi! Told you four to try it on Eddie not Audrey!" a familiar voice said from the kitchen. Not soon after Oliver entered into the foyer with a massive clean dish towel in hand.

"Eddie's not in tonight. He's got a date" said another Wood cousin this time he was wearing Wasps jumper. "Audrey was next in line"

"Well then you can fetch her a towel Giles" Oliver said while smiling jestingly at the other young man.

Audrey looked at the male cousins, as always they were wearing their team jumpers or suits. It was a Friday after all and for most part Friday meant practice. Three of six played professional, the other three were either PR agents or worked for the sports media. She bent down and picked up the sachet that had the Weasley Wizarding Wheezes thinking "man I really can't get away from that Weasley!"

"You know you spoil her as much as Nana does" commented another cousin who was wearing a suit. Audrey shot him a glare and sent her cousin cowering back into the parlor.

"Don't mind them Audrey, I think they just miss you" Oliver laughed as he caught a towel from a cousin named Giles.

The chatter between the cousins stopped abruptly ending at "Hey Audrey you're bra is bright orange today!", when Sarah Wood whistled from the top landing. Her green eyes glared at the men who shrunk into the parlor and watched as Audrey stripped of her blazer off and handed it to Oliver who was waiting at hand. She headed down the stairwell carefully. Oliver always dotted on Audrey but Sarah knew why. Out of all of her grandchildren, Audrey and Oliver were the ones whom was brought up in the Wood manor together. Oliver had always been the brother to Audrey and vice versa. While the other Grandsons had gone back to live normal family lives with their war scarred parents, Oliver and Audrey were the only ones who lost a parent or both. In absence of any formal family setting they coped by nurturing a bond of brother and sister.

"Those prats-" Audrey muttered as she took off her shoes and soaked socks. Sarah Wood tutted which made Audrey slap her hand over her mouth in fear of another "soap in the mouth" spell she had unfortunately encountered as a teen.

"Prats or not, family is family and they did it in fun" Sarah Wood said as she eyed the parlor door, she took out her wand and swished and swished and screams came from the parlor. The four male cousins stumbled out with mouths foaming with soap looking rather sorry. They apologized to Audrey through their soapy mouths. "Good now, wash up the elf made a good meal"

During dinner Audrey watched as her cousins gloat about their girlfriends and sports careers. Each taking best against one another. She had never really been a sports minded girl but this was how life was in the Wood family.

"You got to admit, colourful bright knickers are coming back into fashion" commented the cousin in the suit. Audrey looked him incredulously and asked "Why which girlfriend has them Connor?"

Connor the cousin shot Audrey a killer look but was interrupted by their grandmother, "Which girlfriend? How many are you toying with this time"

All the cousins laughed but Connor looked sullen as he felt his Nana's glare set on him. He made a non-committal grunt. Audrey couldn't help but snicker but then had a change of heart, "He's just toying with one witch. Unfortunate really, lovely girl works as a muggle barrister"

"There isn't enough witches in the Diagon Alley then?" Oliver asked smiling. Connor looked at Oliver and said that there was enough witches but not enough Oliver hasn't bed yet. Sarah Wood looked appalled at the idea that her grandsons were toying with multiple women let alone sleeping with.

"Can't help it if I'm the most handsome of the lot" Oliver joked garnering laughter across the table, with one cousin jeered, "yeah right, I''m better looking than you shorty!"

"Dan, not everyone is six foot five! Plus I am not the shortest Wood" Oliver started, "Audrey is, then there's Giles"

Giles the cousin in the Wasps jumper laughed then frowned protesting that his stocky build made him a better beater. Audrey looked at her cousins who were all agreeing with the statement. "Well I...I give up you lot are hopeless" while everyone erupted in laughter.

AN:

Thank you for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

AN:Thanks for reading. The story will most likely be 15 to 20 chapters.

Chapter 3:

On a Saturday afternoon after the morning's debacle with an unruly and unwavering feline familiar, rolls and rolls of paperwork and lastly her cousins trying to convince her to go play quidditch, Audrey finally achieved peace and quiet in her London flat. Her flat had one bedroom, a convertible den, a modest living space and a beautiful kitchen. It's walls were of neutral taupe and the bedroom well lit thanks to a well placed skylight. Audrey was very happy with her house that she had bought a year after working at the Ministry. Her Nana always wondered why Audrey picked a place in a muggle neighborhood but like her father before her, Audrey was an odd Wood. Even her cousins, aunts and uncles wondered why a good-natured witch would distance herself from the wizarding London suburb in which most of them lived. Though she lived alone, Audrey had three sets of keys; one for herself, one for her Nana and the last was magically hidden at the front door in a potted plant. Oliver and Penny were knew of it but only one used it often.

"Audrey, I met my future husband!" Penny said as she entered Audrey's flat. Looking around she found Audrey stretched across a yoga mat on a downward dog pose in the living room. Penny always loved Audrey's living room, it had large windows that overlooked a walled garden of flowers, perennials and herbs, magical and what not. On well tempered spring mornings and summer evenings, Audrey could be found in her patio with a cup of homemade lavender tea and a book or a file. Penelope Clearwater always teased Audrey that she was very much self sufficient with in the realms of herbs and food stuffs, that Audrey could open her own apothecary or tea shop if she so wished it.

"Who?" Audrey asked in a monotone voice between her breathing. Penny watched further as Audrey then lifted her right leg and pulled into her stomach, then stretching it out again suspending it high above her hips.

"Well I was bored! and there he was-" Penny exasperated sinking into a big comfy chair.

"Please tell me its not that loser Weasley again" Audrey said as she momentarily stalled her breathing exercise. She peered up to see Penny draped on her comfy reading chair.

"No its not, thank you very much. He's name is Connor or was it Paul I don't know he was just pretty" Penny said dreamily, "He works PR for the _"

"Penny you realize that that Connor you are talking about has a girlfriend right? and Paul is an asshole but he's single last I saw him" Audrey said as she set herself down on the mat cradling her knees stretching her back. Penny asked how Audrey would know and Audrey grunted that Connor was a cousin after which she went back on a bridge position on the floor and moved her legs forward making a wide set "A".

"Right, well wait hold on. Who's taller Connor or Paul? My future husband is the taller one" Penny asked and Audrey said that Paul was the taller one, Connor was at least a palm length shorter. "Its Paul then. Dreamy blonde, green eyes. I mean wow he's great in the-"

"Stop. Please I'm trying to concentrate" Audrey asked quietly. Penny watched Audrey closer as she stretch her legs higher, straighter and pushed her left heel deeper into the mat as she aligned her limbs with the centre of her core. "You know some guys think stretching is sexy" Penny drawled watching her friend pull her legs nearer thus stretching further. Audrey snickered and lost her breathing pattern, soon after as well as her balance. She nearly toppled over her cat who was lounging around her cool bottle of water.

"You are such a prude" Penny laughed, "Look at you long legs, pale skin, copper hair! You aren't even using those assets. That's it you're joining me tonight"

"Ew no I will not accompany you into whoredom!" Audrey choked out. Penny laughed out even more as she stood up from the seat. She held a hand out of Audrey and pulled her friend up. "Silly! It's called clubbing not whoring. C'mon lets go and have fun"

"I don't want to" Audrey protested as Penny dragged her into the bedroom and shoved her into the bathroom.

"You are taking a shower stinky, then you will put on the clothes I pick and the shoes I pick. I will put make up on you and we will go out. We will find you a sexy man to sweat with on the dance floor then take you home to do some hoo-haaa" Penny stated stopped Audrey from further protest. Audrey huffed and said she'd rather grab a drink at the Leaky Cauldron instead.

"You live in a muggle neighborhood, with muggle stuff and a very muggle kitchen. Lets find you a muggle!" Penny chimed from the kitchen.

A few minutes later Audrey had finally stepped out of the shower and was patting her hair dry when she saw the clothes that Penny had laid out of her. She narrowed her eyes as she eyed the clothing. Dark skinny jeans and a loose silk top. Penny even took the time to pick out which bra she should show off under the rather opaque silk top.

"I feel like I'm wearing something that is justifying showing off my bra!" Audrey said loudly enough for Penny to hear. Penny walked into the room as Audrey pulled on the silk top. "Its so billowy! and yours is so tight! Penny!"

Penny laughed at her friend. Audrey could wear the billowy clothes, she was skinny as all Woods were skinny. She often wondered if marrying one of the Wood cousins would make her children look as athletic and pretty as Audrey. "You can get away with it. You look 'non-nonchalant', like you aren't trying at all. That is what men want"

"If that is the case then you look like you are asking for it" Audrey commented as she put on knee high boots she bought in a muggle store. It cost her a pretty penny but Bronx's Zari boot was scrumptiously simple.

"What if I am?" Penny said as she swished her wand and Audrey's make up was done. "Don't you dare mention Weasley. He's getting clingy again and I want Paul"

"I wonder why" Audrey muttered. It then dawned on her that she might just bump into her cousin tonight

Across town Oliver barged into Percy Weasley's office hoping to at least find his friend in an awkward moment with a girl but of course Percy was drowning in parchment.

"One of these days Perce, you will have to find a girlfriend" Oliver said loudly making Percy jump behind his desk thus spilling and splattering ink all over his parchment. Oliver watched Percy as he pushed his newly bought super thin bi-spectacles up on his thin nose. He laughed as Percy turned that distinctive plum red that he gets when Percy gets appalled, embarrassed or angry very much like Oliver's cousin Audrey.

"I have a girlfriend!" Percy defended as he cleaned up the ink he splattered on the parchment. Oliver sighed and walked through the threshold sitting right across Percival Weasley. Placing his foot up on the desk, Oliver lent on his chair and watched Percy with intent. Why was Percy bent over a hussy like Clearwater who had a reputation even back at Hogwarts. Not that Oliver ever dipped in that pond, he knew of the quidditch guys who have had Clearwater even during her so called committed state with Percy.

"Penelope Clearwater, the biggest flirt in the world. Your casual screw is not your girlfriend" Oliver stated while Percy defended his 'situation', "No you, two are 'knocking boots'. You my friend is a free agent"

"Oliver what do you want?" Percy asked straight forward that Oliver looked appalled at the tone of Percy's voice. "Well I'm sorry, here I am wanting to hang out with my best friend and he'd rather sulk about a hussy who's played him since they left Hogwarts!"

"She is not playing me!" Percy said a little too loud. Oliver looked at him and saw that Percy was as hurt as he was the first time Penny left. Regretting that he brought up that woman, Oliver sat up and

"Okay look at the situation Percy. You deserve better" Oliver said, "Come on, I was gonna call on the the twins to go out into town"

"My family hates me remember?" Percy said. Oliver thought 'for good reason'. He knew Percy had ambition since the first day they roomed at Gryffindor Tower. Everyone in their year thought Percy needed a good shoving into the broom closet once in a while but Oliver always knew Percy deep inside had a good heart.

Percy's recent tiff with his family was just another one of those "you shoved all you want, I'll shove back now". Most Weasleys felt Percy betrayed them, but only Charlie knew how Percy felt horrible and sorry for how everything transpired. How Percy finally snapped after being teased so often by his siblings, it was trivial but 18 years worth of teasing took its toll. Oliver couldn't say no when his friend showed up at his door step, bags in tow, in the middle of the night nearly a year ago. "Take your time I've got space, mi casa is su casa".

Months after Percy had finally found a dingy little flat in London, upon seeing the state of the one room flat that rented at 20 Galleons a month, Oliver stopped his friend from signing the expensive lease and told him "You can use that money as rent at my flat instead of this roach infested place". Percy argued that he needed to stand on his own and that he had to prove something. But Oliver waved his wand and shut the redhead's mouth saying, "I know, I don't care, and you're staying with me. You can move out when you can get a respectable flat. This my friend is not respectable". Oliver then proceeded to point out that Percy had a crappy job on top all of his troubles. It was then Oliver Wood finally broke Percival Weasley into tears after the realization that "I'm all alone now and its all my fault". At the end of the day Percy permanently moved in the second bedroom of Oliver's flat, he paid 15 galleons a month and that was that.

"I won't call on the twins then, we'll go and we'll find you some fun" Oliver offered. Percy looked at him and thought about it. Would it really hurt to have a little bit of fun?

"Fine but I have to be heading home by midnight I have a meeting to prepare for-" Percy started and was cut off. "- its Sunday tomorrow, you can do the paperwork all day"

Oliver looked at his friend with concern. He knew Percy was feeling defeated because; he treated badly by his boss, he didn't get paid enough, he's made a mistake with his family and now Penny was taking a dump all over him yet again. Oliver thought that guy had enough trouble in his life why would he let that silly Penny take him down a notch.

"It will be fun, but before that we have to find you clothes that say 'I'm a free man' " Oliver said while pushing Percy out of the Ministry's doors. Percy snorted as he wiped his glasses clean. "Where are you...wait hold on I am not just side appa-" Percy said but never finished as Oliver apparated with him along for the ride with Oliver 'Just trust me'.

BOOM BOOM OONTZ OONTZ BOOM BOOM OONTZ OONTZ

Lo and behold Audrey was right. She found herself by the bar watching Penelope Clearwater flirt her short tight dress and heels off to Paul the PR guy of the Wallabies, a rookie team, while listening to very loud music she barely heard her own heart beat. She knew tonight was going to be one of those nights. The chances of a wizard at a muggle bar was one in maybe fifty chances. Paul was that 5% chance, just because Penny had called him to tag along.

Penny had been gone for nearly an hour already rubbing, I mean dancing, with Paul and Audrey sat alone by the bar slowly drinking her second beer. Audrey couldn't help but be snarky, she could've done paperwork instead of sitting alone at the bar surrounded by drunk sweaty people. Its not like she hadn't been approached. In fact Audrey had been propositioned by men but they were all too old, some not legal at all and most just plain stupid. Audrey was actually waiting to see whether her cousin would appear at some point because if one PR guy was out the other was always lurking just around the corner. She perked up to look around once more before sitting back down on her stool motioning for the bartender to send another bottle of beer over. A bartender who was apparently attractive and was attracted to Audrey.

Audrey didn't notice two familiars figured walk into the bar as she was too busy looking at the bartender's ass and the bartender knew she was looking. He smiled when he caught her looking and embarrassed Audrey enough that she swiveled around for a few seconds in hopes he would walk away. Audrey had to admit herself she had a thing for bartenders she really couldn't explain why that phenomena happens. Eventually she swiveled back and found that the bartender was still smiling at her. Smiling back she was too engrossed at the flirty bartender's infectious smile when someone behind her said "You know we could get his number for you?"

Turning around quickly, Audrey knocked over her beer into the back of the bar where the bartender, who was near anyhow, caught the bottle and placed it right back onto a coaster on the bar with seeker like reflexes. "Oh god I am so sorry" Audrey shouted over the music. The bartender looked at her and pointed behind her.

Looking around Audrey saw Connor and Oliver smiling and completely forget about her near brush of another embarrassing moment. In fact she was relieved she had someone else there besides Penny. "What are you two doing here?"

"Oliver called so I came. We're here with a friend of his" Connor said as he gave his cousin a peck on the cheek. He eyed the bartender and waved for a beer. Sitting down on the stool beside Audrey he lent in and whispered "The barkeep is checking you out. He also left his number and name, Duncan" Audrey turned around but was stopped by Oliver and grabbed her shoulders and said "Chill, don't loose your hold. You got him just wait a few seconds"

Seconds later the bartender moved away and Oliver let go of Audrey who took the coaster while Connor had quickly replaced it with another one. "Wait and watch, he'll look over at the coaster to see if you got it" Oliver said as he sat down on the other side of Audrey. Like clockwork the bartender looked at her direction again and his eyes were on the coaster then to Audrey again.

"Told you" Oliver and Connor chimed beside Audrey and clinked their beers.

"How did you two know?" Audrey asked. Oliver explained it was because they were men. Audrey smiled inwardly and made a note to call the bartender later.

"You call him just before you go to bed, He would have just left work by then" Connor added as he watched his little cousin put the coaster into her clutch, "But do not in any form suggest that you two meet tonight, make him wait. You are not a one night hook up dearest cousin"

Audrey smiled and nodded but her smile disappear when she saw Percy Weasley standing by the dance floor looking directly at Penelope who was lip locked with Paul. "Shit, Oliver I'm here with Penny!" Audrey said standing up quickly that Oliver and Connor had to catch up to her.

Oliver looked around to see Audrey's retreating back he then saw Percy clutching his wand so tightly that he knew something was going to happen. He grabbed Connor's arm and they both tore it behind Audrey who was heading for Percy.

"WEASLEY DON'T!" Audrey screamed over the music watched helplessly a few steps away as Percy brought up his wand and pointed at Penny's head. She didn't hear what he casted by as soon as the strobe lights flickered, a gallon or two of water appeared out of no where and dumped right on Penny and Paul. Audrey stopped on her tracks appalled at the situation not really knowing whether to laugh or not. As soon as Percy looked at her and Audrey saw him laughing as if he was relieved she knew it was going to be fine. Audrey had never seen this side of Percy Weasley and she had to admit it was pretty close to the Twins! For the first time since she's met him which was nearly a decade ago, she was actually convinced he was normal. Audrey laughed hard as she watched as Oliver and Connor tore past her and grabbed Percy dragging his laughing ass to the side of the bar.

"You are one crazy son of bi-" Connor laughed as he watched the water pour further on that Penny woman and the water was following her and Paul. Oliver looked over and couldn't help by laugh even louder when Penny and Paul ran out of the club drenched. "This is a reason for shots!" Oliver called. Shots that Audrey took part in.

AN:

Thanks for reading. R&R if you like the story. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Dear (few) readers. I changed the rating to Mature for good now. There are lemons! three paragrahps of pure unadulterated lemons heading your way. Mid section. Read or don't read, take the details in or read. You have been warned. **

Chapter 4:

As if there was a cleaver wedge on her skull, Audrey woke up wanting to go back to sleep but her cat and owl were starting to scratch and nip. She tried to kick the cat off of the bed when she hit someone's leg. Eyes snapping wide, Audrey shot up from her bed as she panicked. Looking back she bit her lip in confusion trying to calmly figure out how _he_ got into her bed and naked no less.

Pulling the sheets with her she watched as _he_ slept on her bed. Why was _he_ naked in _her_ bed? Audrey let panicked settle in further when she realized her familiars were with her in her room. As if like a pro, Audrey quickly looked for her knickers and found it right underneath his face. She flushed as she gingerly pulled the knickers and retreated back towards the wall while hastily and haphazardly put it on. Audrey did not want to know why or how her knickers were under his face, or did she?.

"What was his name again? Dear Merlin" she thought to herself. As she quickly put her bra on which was tangled in the sheets by his feet, Audrey then picked up her cat and called for her tawny owl who had decided to indignantly perch on the bars right on top of this man.

"Demitrius over here now" she hissed at the owl whose head was tilting to the side as he looked closer at the man his master took home noisily the night that just passed. Audrey looked up to the ceiling praying to the heavens that her very hard headed owl would once just listen to her, promising her owl a whole chicken breast if he did so. With a few seconds of praying Demitrius finally flew to her direction and out into balcony.

"Stay there, he's muggle. Oh don't nip at me! I'll get you chicken later okay?" pleaded Audrey as she shut the window screen. Beyond it her tawny owl glared angrily before flying off hooting loudly. She let the cat down momentarily and the cat then decided to pounce curiously on the bartender. Audrey inched out of her room and saw her clutch on the kitchen table. She thought loudly as she picked up what seemed to be a trail of clothing, "Daniel...no thats your cousin, which is not the man in your bed!...uhm...god what is his name!"

Frustration seeped into Audrey's mind when she finally got to her bag across the room. She had picked up every peice of clothing along the way and as far as she was concered they apparently started stripping once the front door clicked close. Dumping all of the clothes on the dining table she opened her bag and looked for the coster she got the night before. Everything was a blur, she remembered Oliver, Connor and Weasley doing shots upon shots. She then joined in but then it went fuzzy. She only remembered dancing sweaty on the dance floor with some guy as her cousins jeered from afar, a near fight and then the bartender now sleeping naked on her bed.

Audrey picked up her phone and dialed Oliver's number. Since Oliver moved to England he have had a muggle phone. It made it easier than owling. It took Oliver a few months to get used to the contraption but he eventually learned how to use it proficiently. Oddly enough, the telephone made it easier for Oliver to 'date' muggle women. The phone rang and rang and then Connor picked up.

"Connor, oh god. Can you tell me what I did last night?" Audrey whispered. "Dre, I cannot hear you" her cousin grumbled on the other end.

"What did I do last night!" Audrey said louder, causing the bartender to stir in his sleep. Audrey watched in horror as her cat sat it's butt directly on the bartender's forehead looking rather satisfied with its evil feline self. "Hey Ollie, hear this. Audrey doesn't remember her crazy from last night! Classic! How do you do that howler thing?"

Audrey smacked her head on the counter as her cousins fiddled with the phone on their end Oliver had told Connor that it was speaker not howler. "Oh man Audrey you still there?"

"Of course yes...for merlin's sake just tell me what that bartender's name is...I don't remember!" Audrey hissed at the phone and heard laughter from the other side.

"You are trully a Wood, you proved it last night. Here I thought you were adopted" Connor laughed, "Man you are a funny drunk skunk"

"Connor for the last time tell me, is Oliver there? please tell me!" Audrey pleaded, she panicked even more when she looked and saw the bartender fully naked standing by her bedroom door. He looked at her and smiled as he looked around in the living room for his knickers. Audrey peeled herself off of the counter soon enough and pointed at the pile of clothes. The bartender, whom she realized had a massive tattoo of a hungarian horntail on chest confidently moved across the room towards the clothes. Audrey could feel herself blush as she saw his...his...his thing. She had _that _in her? How the hell did that fit? Somehow Audrey felt that it was a good shag, heck it had better been a good shag with a disco stick like that.

"Duncan his name is Duncan, hey did he sleep th-" Oliver asked with concern but was cut off when Audrey clicked the phone off and turned around to see Duncan the blue eyed bartender right infront of her. He leant in and kissed her square on the lips slowly pushing her against the counter with his hands roaming her body comfortably as if he had perfected it the night before. He moved his hands over her shoulder and moved her bra strap off, tugging it down as he deepened his kiss. Audrey did not make a protest, her voice of reason was shut out by her lust.

"Good morning Audrey Wood" he drawled at Audrey who was partically melting on the counter from Duncan's naked form pressed onto her barely dressed body. " I told you I'd remember your name in the morning" he said steamily as he lifted Audrey on the counter. She looked at him and asked what else he remembered of her. "I remember saying that I am going to-" Audrey's eyes flicked close as the bartender kissed her neck and trailed down to her breast taking her nipple into his mouth and sucking it gently in between his arousing licks. She felt herself loosen up as he pulled her closer and her legs wound around him. He pressed his hardness onto her knickers arousing lust over what was panick before.

"Mmm did you promise that, Duncan" Audrey finally breathed once he kissed her on the lips once again, forcing his tongue into the hot moist crevasse of her mouth and slip his lust slowly at the same time into another crevasse that was pleasurable in the most basic of human instinct. Duncan smiled when Audrey finally stopped squirming, "I promised a good morning" and with that he rested his hands on her hips not letting her slip away. In rythym, Audrey let this man she barely knew into her with gusto and pleasurable force. They rocked back and forth until Audrey moaned in delight and he stating excitedly that he was just about there. Minutes and minutes later he had gotten there with her and Audrey couldn't careless if this man was a practically a stranger but he knew how she ticked. Oh how scrumptious that was.

On the end of the city Oliver paced back and forth in his flat waiting for Connor to get ready. "Hold it Oliver, we do not barge into cousin's houses when they are shagging someone, family rule #1"

"This is Audrey, that does not apply she's a girl!" Oliver reasoned as he went to his apparition point. Connor ran after him and grabbed his arms saying "What if you walk in there and she's doing the nasty with that bartender? Do you want to see that?"

"No I will have my eyes closed and then hex his ass away from her!" Oliver angrily screamed. This was his little cousin, the only female cousin. They always protected her, ever since they were little! That was what their Nana taught them. Audrey is to be protected from unworthy men.

"Hey, we chucked that rule when we found out she lost her virginity in her 6th year remember? We re-wrote it as 'if she got pregnant while single...' then we hunt the bastard down. Chillax Ollie, she's fine. Lets give it another hour" Connor reasoned and held onto Oliver until he backed down. "Don't make me get the whole hoard of cousins here. Cuz you know there'll be more people to stop you"

Oliver looked at his cousin in defeat, he was right. Audrey was an adult now. "Oh man this will be the Flint incident all over again" Connor laughed as he watched Oliver tick from the sofa. Not long after Percy emerged from his room with boxers on and a shirt. "Which Flint incident theres a bunch?"

"The one where Oliver used him as a punching bag for shagging Audrey" Connor reminded Percy who just laughed. "You know if Oliver never punch that kid he still would have great teeth"

Oliver looked at his friend and his cousin and huffted angrily. Audrey was practically his sister! How dare that Flint, he was unworthy! "You two were okay before, civil almost. Then he went and took Audrey's virginity and man shit hit the fan" Percy laughed as he scratched his head.

"Hey Perce remember when Nana and I were called into the school and you two were in the headmaster's office. You stopped the fight and you go punched in the face. Classic" Connor reminisced.

"You know people often thought that Wood and Flint just hated each other for the whole quidditch thing. No one really knew it was because of Audrey" Percy finished with both him and Connor laughing out loud at Oliver's simmering anger.

"Speaking of unworthy men. You had your hands all over our cousin last night" Oliver pointed out to Percy. Connor rolled with laughter remembering how drunk Audrey had been that she danced with Percy the night before. It was known that Audrey hated Percy for reporting her to Snape after she chucked smelting salts into his cauldron, ruining his finals poition in first year.

"You'd think that I'm your bestfriend and flatmate I'd at least be more qualified than other unworthy men deemed by you and your cousins" Percy joked but had to re state that he was joking when Oliver looked like he saw red. Which was not much of a feat considering Percy's hair was already red. "We hate each other remember"

"Not last nite. But mark my words you touch her once more Weasley I swear to god your teeth will look just like Flint's I missed last night because you are my bestfriend remember that" Oliver said seriously with a maniac smile plastered on his face. Percy gulped and retreated to the cornered of the sofa farthest away from Oliver thinking why would he ever touch Audrey Wood sober. Beyond his knowledge, the fates had a plan of making Audrey Wood the mother of his two unborn daughters; Molly and Lucy.

AN:


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

The bartender didn't leave Audrey's house till after lunch and after much more steamy moments for the day. Audrey had been on cloud 9 for most part besides the nagging feeling that she'd never hear from Duncan again. Her worries however were resolved once he had called that night asking if she would like to join him for a quiet dinner wednesday evening. "Backwards as it is, it would be make my day if you would accompany me for dinner" he had asked her. Audrey's heart leapt with victory as she heard this. She wasn't the romantic type but Duncan made her to be a lustful type.

Her glee however was put to a halt when her cousins, all six of them, appeared at her doorstep sniffing as if they could smell post coital musk in the air. "Where's the hunky bartender?" Connor had asked when he plopped on the sofa. He looked at the sofa and pointed at it asking if Audrey had taken the bartender on that surface. Audrey blushed appalled at the questions her cousins were asking her.

"Its fine. He already asked me out to dinner on wednessday" Audrey said, satisfied with herself. Oliver huffed as he sat on her recliner while her cousin Eddie and Ryan walked around the house touching every surface of her place with white gloves on. "We conclude" Eddie started as he showed his clean glove to the rest of the room.

"That Audrey took the bartender on all of the surfaces of her kitchen" Ryan continued, "they cleaned that counter with rigor"

Audrey looked at them angrily as the rest of the cousins wolf whistle at the Ryan and Eddie's conjecture. "Stop it all of you. For merlin's sake I am 21, I have a great career and I am content for once!"

"She means her libido has been let loose on the bartender" Connor stated which garnered him a glare and a pillow on the face, "Make that several times".

Audrey felt herself blush but this was far from odd. Her cousins often took an interest in her dating. They deemed it amusing for most part that any man would want _her_. She was still the scrawny 3 year old kid in pigtails for all they cared. Oliver out of the rest was more like a father figure to her, but that couldn't be helped.

"Are you going to tell him you're a witch?" Giles asked from the corner of the room. He looked muddy and Audrey didn't want to ask why assuming he just came from practice.

"No not yet. you can't spring news like that on the first date" Audrey replied. Oliver snorted from his seat and said "First date? Bit backward isn't it Audrey? Shag first date later?"

"Hey Mr. Puddlemere-I've-slept-with most of my groupies but dont date them" Eddie quiped and sent Oliver grumbling into the arm of the chair.

"Now now Oliver, we all know what you do in your past time" Connor said as he patted Oliver's back, "Audrey so, was he at least fun?"

"Y-yes he was and I hope to have a good date with him this wednesday" Audrey said happily, "why are you here anyhow?"

The cousins looked at each other and then at Oliver and coughed loudly that it was obvious. "We're here to make Oliver promise something", all of them chimed in unison. AUdrey looked at them oddly as she sat on the coffee table. "Promise what exactly?"

Oliver shifted his eyes and started to ramble about Hogwarts but bare was barely audible so another cousin piped up clearing up what Oliver just attempted not to say at all. Giles who was only a year older than Oliver and Audrey piped up, "Do you remember, when that Flint kid suddenly lost all of his front teeth and that botched up tooth regrow problem he had?"

Audrey nodded looking at Oliver for confirmation. Oliver tipped his head as if he was agreeing but reather quitely. "Well it was Oliver's handywork-"

"What do you mean by Oliver's handywork, wait Ollie what are they talking about" Audrey asked testingly, Oliver looked at her and shifted his eyes when he finally admitted that he punched out Flint, "well more like used him as a punching bag" added Giles.

"You see little cousin of ours-" Eddie started but was cut off by Audrey, "You did that to Mike?"

"Well yes, h-he was a douche and you slept with him! Of all the ogres in the world, Flint!" Oliver exasperated. Audrey glared at him and said "It was you who scared off all potential dates! Did you know I thought I was the ugliest kid cuz no one would ever ask me on a date to hogsmeade!"

"See here-" Oliver started but backed further back into his seat when Audrey came at him with an accusing finger. "Promise me now, that you will not do any type or sort of hinderance now. I am warning you Liver I swear on my father's grave if I do not marry and end up an old maid that I will haunt you when I die!"

Oliver mummbled something but that Audrey didn't hear nor understand. "Sorry what was that Oliver? We didn't hear you" Connor chided further as Oliver shot him a glare

"I promise to not interfere and beat up this bartender like what I did with Flint, I promise to support your desicions and be there when you ask for rmy help" Oliver said defeated. In all fairness Flint was a git and Oliver was just given a good reason to finally plumet his knuckles in Flint's face off the field. No harm done really, well to Oliver at least. Oliver kept out Percy in the equation, since Mr. Head boy helped him switch the tooth regrow potion, but Audrey did not need to know that...yet.

On monday morning however, Audrey's good mood from the best shag she's ever had was pushed off to the side but at leasts she was smiling for no reason and humming happily until lunch came and she was cornered by Penny in the cafeteria. Penny had accusingly asked Audrey if she had slept with Percy Weasley. Of course Audrey choked on her food at the thought of knocking boots with Weasley the prat. She had gotten a month's worth of detention on the first month of second year because she had ruined his potions exam. That was when Snape decided to forever put Wood with Wood instead of a Wood with a Weasley. It all worked out in the end, in fact Audrey and Weasley took their potions NEWTs two tables apart, "Just in case" as Snape had reasoned.

"Why would you think that?" Audrey exclaimed as she gulped water down. Penny sat back on her seat and rubber her forehead stating that she saw Audrey dancing with Percy that night at the bar.

"I was drunk, but I would never touch him with a ten foot pole sober you know that!" Audrey explained and then asked "why are you so upset? I thought you were going to marry Paul"

Penny looked at Audrey and frowned, apparently Paul was engaged to a muggle. "So now I have no one but Weasley" she further said. Audrey looked at her friend and shook her head. Penny and Audrey just sat there looking at each other oddly with Penny glaring at Audrey and Audrey trying to figure out how to explain something she couldn't remember. They were interrupted however by the Weasley himself.

"Hey Audrey" Percy said as he approached the two women. He noticed that Penny perked up but then sat sourly down when he asked for Audrey. "About the other night"

Penny stood up angrily and pointed at Audrey saying "Lies, I can't believe you slept with my boyfr-"

"I am not your boyfriend" Percy finally said watching as Penny stagger her accusations. Shen then asked what he meant by that, "You were, I mean are-"

"No I was but not any longer. I havent been your 'boyfriend' since Hogwarts" Percy finally said, "This thing you like to do, toying. I'm done okay"

Penny stood there flabergasted at what just happened, thinking thank merlin the cafe was not too busy. Audrey and Penny watched as Percy stormed away. They looked at each other looking for an answer. They stopped however when Percy shouted from the cafe door, "and I will never sleep with Wood, didn't even cross my mind when I was drunk!"

Audrey hit her forehead on the table several times thinking about all the implications that statement could mean to Penny. Her friend was the type of woman who was the jealous type but non-commital. She had the priviledge of being the oldest of the brood and knew bullying in the most eloquent manner. She got what she wanted and she got when she needed it. Audrey thought about all the guys Penny have had and all of them were clingy, everyone was too clingy.

"DId you at least enjoyed it?" Penny asked sourly as she picked up her work bag. Audrey stopped hitting her head and looked up and felt insulted. "I told you I didnt! Merlin Penny, after a decade of being friends you doubt me now?"

Penny looked thoughtfully and managed to crack a reproachful smile at Audrey. Afterwhich she excused herself apologizing as she did so and walked out pretty fast leaving Audrey feeling full of doubt of her friends trust in her.

Walking home that night, Audrey drifted out of reality as she tried to figure out what the hell happened that morning. Why was Penny not believing her? She did not sleep with Weasley! With a click she opened her door and headed to the kitchen where she instinctively refilled her cat's bowl of water and food as well as her owls. Days passed just like that day, next thing Audrey knew it was wednesday and she had dinner with the bartender.

Duncan at that point showed his true colors. He was essentially the biggest nerd and Audrey found this even more appealing. He read the same muggle fiction as Audrey, enjoyed science fiction films and an avid runner much like Audrey. In fact, Duncan believed that there was something else out there besides "mortals". Audrey, least to say, was very pleased that Duncan had an open mind.

As they sat at a pub Duncan looked at Audrey deep in thought. She had asked "What?" as he played with her hand and he asnwered that he was all but surprised at their connection. Audrey blushed at the comment and dropped the topic for the next few more dates, if there were any at all. She looked at him with some curiousity, wondering whether or not he would be able to accept her for her magic and oddity. But all of those questions were for another day and Audrey knew that.

Duncan, however, did walk her home. Arm in arm, they strolled back to her house while making small talk. He had asked her the usual questions; where she grew up, her school life, whats her family like, her job. Audrey felt as if she was answering it truthfully while omitting keywords to her answers.

"I was born and raised here. I'm an only child you see, my parents died when I was young so my grandmum brought me up at her estate in northern Britain. I do however, have sixe over protective male cousins." Audrey explained and was asked what they did for a living. "Well most of them are professional sportsmen. Eddie, Giles and Oliver. The other three work for sports PR firms or are sports reporters which would be; Connor, Ryan and Dan"

"So you're telling me that you possibly have three very fit male cousins, which I am assuming can kick my arse and three other cousins who could ruin my reputation?" Duncan jokingly asked. His questions howeve was answered by a nod and nervous giggle from Audrey that he gulped down his saliva rather nervously at the thought of six men trying to beat him up if he screwed up.

Trying to change topics, due to Duncan's discomfort Audrey said, "As for my job I do research for my government"

"Our government you mean? Unless your country is different than mine" Duncan mused welcoming the change of topic.

"Yes I mean the government. As for school" Audrey said when they finally got to her doorstep, "My grandmum sent me to a boarding school in Scotland. All of my cousins went there, so did my mum and dad. So I was a legacy I suppose"

"So you're telling" Duncan started teasing, "That I am dating a woman of money, who does research for a living and lives in a georgeous Chelsea home? Sounds like MI5 to me"

"Well if you put it that way, you make me sound like I'm some sort of brat who turned into James Bond!" Audrey laughed as she let Duncan take a step towards her and wrap his arms around her waist.

"No, just stating the facts presented, its all but conjecture" Duncan mumbled as he leant in for a kiss. Audrey tilted her head up and obliged letting him kiss her softly once and deep the other.

"Conjecture...What are you a lawyer by day?" Audrey mused when the kiss broke and listened as Duncan explained that he was in his final year of law school. "Well well look who is well educated"

"I also did boarding school if you must know" Duncan explained that his father is a headmaster at a boarding school called St. Andrew's College. "That's in Canada by the way. I was there for second form. Then I had a choice, do law where my father was or go to law school where my mother was. I chose to come back to dear old England"

"I never would've have guessed that, considering I met you while you were serving me over the counter" Audrey laughed. Duncan pulled her in and kissed her gently on the lips. Audrey had instinctively closed her eyes and upon opening them she looked at Duncan and had the urge to invite him in but reason said to end the night then and there. She fought with the idea but she knew to hold back considering she did shag him first night. She had to balance it out.

"Good night Duncan the lawyer moonlighting as a bartender" she said in between Duncan's kisses. "Good night Audrey the researcher who could be an intellegence operative"

Audrey laughed at the last bit Duncan said and silenced him by a kiss. She finally let him go and walked into her house. Leaning on her door she watched as Duncan walked away from her house still looking at her, smiling. Once he turned the corner she shut the door thinking that was it, he didn't even ask her out for another date. But as she accepted that possibile reality her mobile rang and she read a message stating: Saturday? Yes? I'll be a top barrister one day I'll argue a yes if you say no.

"Y-E-S" Aurey replied and clicked her phone close. She had a great week with odd bits and Duncan was a bit of sunshine she didn't expect to have at all.

AN:

Thanks for reading. R&R !


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Thank you for reading. Bit of a tideous chapter ahead. Kinda serious kinda not. Next one will be much more fun.

-scholasticcat

Chapter 6:

"I cannot condone my dear little cousin screwing a screw up like a bartender!" Oliver breathed out snapping Percy out of his self proclaimed trans into this bowl of cereal, " and you also realize that you just took me and O'Reiley into your mouth"

Percy choked at the last bit and spat out a peice of cereal onto the table. He looked at Oliver and scowled, blaming Oliver for the quidditch cereal.

"Cereal equals sponsorship, more sponsorships equals good salary. Good salary means great living conditions" Oliver droned on as he shoved his hand into the green and yellow cereal box, pulling out what seemed to be a miniature toy of Puddlemere's keeper, himself. He then wondered if he was really that cocky infront of the press or at games as his toy started to scream "I'm the best keeper to walk on this earth!"

"Yes but, did they have to make my favourite cereal shaped into you and your team? I can't eat this with out thinking 'I'm taking Wood into my mouth' and feel straight about it" Percy said in one breatheless rant. Oliver laughed at his roomate and told him to keep on eating his breakfast while Percy did so with a scowl. Oliver had to bring up Penny to turn Percy's morning worse.

"You need to make her realize you are not her bitch" Oliver stated. Percy nodded his head and said that he had already made that clear. Oliver laughed at the thougtht of Percy telling Penny off at the Ministry cafeteria. "She's knows now doesn't she old' boy"

"Yes and let's hope I embarassed her!" Percy snorted, thus statisfying his need to reaffirm his masculinity and worth upon which he had loudly reminded Pennelope Clearwater of just a day ago. However he cringed at the thought that he might have embarassed himself infront of Audrey, but it shouldn't matter. Audrey was Oliver's cousin and she hated him. Curiously though, Percy wondered why Audrey hated him when it was her who struck first.

A month had passed and Penny couldn't even look at Percy anymore. She was too embarassed and Percy had the new confidence to show her she wasn't good enough for him. Oliver applauded his friend for his new found freedom from such a wench and couldn't be more proud of Percy.

ooooooOOO~OOOoooooo

"Hey!" Audrey exclaimed as a ball of feather the size of a tennis ball flew right into her cereal. The white fluff hooted happily as it realized that it landed on food forgetting about the scroll tied to its leg. Audrey grabbed the bird and tookd the scroll then let it down on the her bowl of cereal. "Of course Oliver Wood would pick an infantile type of owl" Audrey mused as she unscrolled her note, an invitation to a party at her cousin's house. Every year Oliver hosted a dinner party for St. Paddy's, often he was reminded that he was scottish and he'd drunkenly say that deep inside he wished he was Irish so he could use it as an explination for his love of whisky.

"...bring the boy toy, Love Oliver" Audrey read out aloud and huffed. Her cousins had renamed Ducan into " boy toy" or "Hunky Highlander" by Giles who had discovered a muggle TV show when his mother took him to a cousin's. In fact even her grandmother had caught wind of her relationship with a muggle that Sarah Wood had requested, more like ordered, Audrey to bring the boy around for dinner one time. Audrey didn't want to yet she hadn't gathered the courage to tell him that she was a wtich. It's been nearly a month since they first met and Audrey couldn't remember the time before him. Duncan was charming and their time together was not like any other time Audrey had spent with any boyfriend. But a month was not long enough to gauge if Duncan was a long lasting figure in her life.

"What do you think owl? Should I bring my boy toy to the party?" Audrey asked the owl who hooted unsure at her inquiry. "No help at all"

Later that week Audrey was still toying with the idea of telling Duncan of her real life. To Duncan, Audrey held a government research position which was not too far from her reality. Even at midnight, as Audrey waited for Duncan to finish his shift at the bar, she was still pondering whether she was ready to for the fireworks that was bound to come after coming clean!

"Hey luv, I'll be around the bar in half an hour" Duncan said as Audrey sat by the bar drinking her dirty gin martini. Audrey smiled and didn't bother talking as the music was too loud to talk over. Much to her suprise, just as Duncan walked away he turned around and leaned in to give her a kiss on the lips. A big no-no between the bartending trade, for clubs and popular bars at least. A girlfriend figure tended to make the tips from impressionable desperate virgins decrease.

"Oy! Duncan is smooching randoms again!" screamed another bartender obviously trying to save Duncan's tips for the night. Women by the bar perked up to see their bartender apparently smooching a random thinking maybe they could stil have hope. Audrey smiled meekly as she pull away from _her_ boyfriend but all is fair in work.

"She's not a random. This is the woman who stole my heart!" Duncan said winking at Audrey then walked away to serve the last minutes of his shift. Audrey watched him make drinks for disappointed women and men alike and wondered how she had caught a man like him. They moved in very different circles, circles that would never intersect. But here they were dating rather blissfully.

"Woman who stole you're heart huh" Audrey commented as they walked to a late night diner that specialized in post pubcrawl food. Duncan squeezed her hand and said "its the truth".

Audrey looked up and smiled at the man who apparently she'd stolen his heart. "Would you still say that after you learn everything about me?" Duncan had asked what she meant about it but did not pursue the subject until further into the morning after they bumped into his co-workers, schoolmates and apparently at least one ex-girlfriend who had sized up Audrey with some glaring precision.

"We all have our secrets. I would just hope that you would let me in eventually. No rush Audrey" Duncan had said later that evening as they entered his flat. This was the first time she had ever gone home with him for the night. In fact she'd been at his flat once before but it was for a quick lunch and back to work she went. That night however it was going to be a slow version of their lunch date, and some more.

"Would you believe me if I told I was magical" Audrey started trying to ignore Duncan who had started to bury his kisses at her neck, trailing down her shoulder Audrey walked forward to be shadowed by Duncan who was starting to pull off her blazer. "You're body is magical" Duncan whispered with lust while his hands roamed the curves of her body, pulling fabric and lifting hems. Turning around Audrey wrapped her arms around his neck and let him unzip her dress from the back. All at once he pulled her dress off and pressed himself against her body urging Audrey to shudder and let a quiet moan escape. She was terribly attracted to Duncan and she just could'nt help herself. After all Duncan was more than willing to grab her however she wanted.

Kissing the spot between her blades, Audrey moaned and something animlastic came about as she savagely ripped his shirt off wanting skin on skin. She gasp as she let Duncan trailed down between her breasts and further, leaving a path of hot kisses down her torso while he stopped and kiss her slowly just under her bellybotton. Audrey looked down at him and let it sink in as he tugged on her underwear. Full with lust and lost in the moment, Audrey closed her eyes as she buried her hands in his soft short hair.

"Kiss me" Audrey asked "There, and then-" with that Duncan lifted her up and took her to his room. He did whatever she wanted him to do that night.

The next morning, Audrey woke up with the nagging feeling that she should tell Duncan now, while he couldn't run as he was undressed. It was now or never, she thought and if he freaked out then she'd just have to obliviate his memory. She can be with him even if he didn't know how she trully lived her life. In fact he had said, "I'm falling in love with you" after the intense pleasure subsided merely three hours before the sun rose.

"Duncan, would you still want to be with me if I told you-" Audrey started but stopped mid way as she chickened out of the prospect of Duncan freaking out. Audrey got out of bed and quickly put on her clothes startling her boyfriend.

"Audrey where are you going?" Duncan asked worried. Did he do something? Is he making her move too fast?, "Audrey wait" he said as he ran after her into his livingroom.

Audrey looked around trying to find a good reason to get out his house. Why was she so scared to tell him that she was a witch? And why are there so many books in his livingroom! Audrey thought as she hit her pinky on one of Duncan's massive law books piles. She cried in pain as a pair of arms swooped her up and put her back into Duncan's bed. Audrey looked at him ruefully and started to tear up, she felt so childish then but she wanted to know if he really wanted to be with her. She did not want to ever obliviate him, she wanted him to want her for everything that she was. All the while Duncan was oblivious to her internal delima.

"Why did you run out like that, Audrey what are you trying to tell me? Cuz for christ's sake tell me if you're dumping me? Are we moving too fast? Do you want to slow down-" Duncan fired off as he rubbed her feet. Audrey hadn't heard him sound worried before, thinking to herself she realized he wanted to be with her. "Lets hope he also wants to be with the witch you!" said the nagging voice in her head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that last nigh-"

"I don't want to leave you" Audrey finally said looking straight into Duncan's eyes. "You are confusing me Audrey Wood, you ran out!"

"Well, I haven't been totally honest with you" Audrey started and watched as Duncan sit on the floor with a face that was full of worry and nervousness. "I'm not entirely mortal"

She watched as Duncan looked confused, then hurt and eventually his put on his lawyer face, one that she's only seen when he was upset. "What do you mean? Are you telling me-"

"Duncan I'm a magical being" Audrey started but Duncan already sank his head on his knees, "God Audrey just tell me straight up, that you are breaking up with me. Don't pull out bullshit stories like this!"

"No no no! Duncan I am serious. I don't want to break up with you! But I am a witch" Audrey pleaded as she got on the floor with him, her eyes starting to water. She held his face to look her straight in the eyes telling him to trust her that she wasn't crazy nor was she trying to break up with her. "Please just watch,"

Audrey moved to get her bag and got her wand out. She swished and swashed it and brought forth light to its tip, then transfigured his pillows to cups and his bed into a coffee table. She pointed the wand on her hair and changed it's color from auburn to blonde and back. She pointed it at his window and opened it where Demetrius her owl stood guard as he always did.

"Y-you aren't lying" Duncan stammered trying to digest the information. Who was this woman he had been dating for a month. "a-a-and your work?"

"I work as an unspeakable for the Ministry of Magic here in London. I do research into the unknown; science, alchemy, portals, magic name it I research it" Audrey quietly said as she sank on the floor by the bed. She hugged her knees and watched Duncan in her peripheral as he looked scared and full of wonder of what she had just told him. "I'm sorry I lied. I couldn't just tell you"

Silence ensued between them and eventually Duncan stood up pulling on his pants and walked silently to his bathroom. Audrey watched him ignore her and she burst into tears as she gathered her stuff. She stood up and started to walk out of the door when she was stopped by Duncan calling her. "Why are you leaving?"

Audrey looked around, face streaked with on going tears and hiccupped, she always hiccuped when she cried. "I can erase your memory of me. Like I never happened"

"Why would I ask you to do that?" Duncan quietly asked as he stepped near her, holding her arms. Audrey looked up and tried to stop crying when Duncan held her gaze. "I'm shocked, but thats that! I was just getting something to drink"

Audrey laughed in her tears and she imagined herself looking silly as ever but Duncan hugged her saying that they'll get through it while placing a kiss on her forehead. Audrey held on to him tightly and wished that the fates were kind. Duncan continued saying that he would still want her around "mortal, magical, witch or not. I fell in love with you Audrey Wood not anything else"

Looking up Audrey cried in relief, she had trully fallen for Duncan herself. She laughed even more when he asked her if she could please bring back his furniture and "Do i turn into a frog for falling in love with a witch?"

A week later:

Pacing back and forth in his living room, Oliver was switching green hats every turn. He had been given a hat by his new team. He had owled for one of the Wood manor's houseleves to help him prepare for the party. His gran had sent him the youngest elf named Sticky, an unfortunate nick name that the elf had gotten after he knocked over a pot of honey during the elf's first week at the manor.

"Sticky which hat?" Oliver asked the young elf as he switched from "Team Ireland" had or "Shamrocks" hat. The elf, with it big yellow eyes tilted its head as he watched Oliver switch back and forth.

"Sticky thinks the shamrock hat would best suit Master Oliver. It has sparkles and whizzes" the elf reasoned. Oliver put on his green hat and smiled at the elf. "Good, now thats done. How're the foods going?"

"Finger foods are made. Sticky has coloured the keg of ale green sir and theres alot of goblets n plaskick goblets for the guests. Any thing else Master Oliver?" Sticky asked after showing Oliver the progress of his tasks for the day. Oliver patted the the elf on the head fondly and noted that the elf had appreciated the gesture. "Good job Sticks, now-"

"Helllloooooooooo Oliver" boomed Connor from the door as he opened it with gusto wearing a dark green fitted suit that made him look like the Riddler and Bond at the same time, "Do you like my suit? Oh hello there Sticky. I have a task for you tonite"

The elf looked at the men closely and waited for further instructions. "I need you to spike the muggle boy's drink"

"Mistress said I cannot" Sticky replied which shocked both Oliver and Connor. "What do you mean?"

"Mistress Sarah, told Sticky not to do anything to the boy" Sticky stammered shiftily out. "Fine, we'll have to do it ourselves. But Sticky, you cannot tell our gran"

The elf looked at both Connor and Oliver and nodded nervously, it thought that his mistress didn't really tell him not to keep secrets. Oliver and Connor looked at each other and nodded triumphantly while shaking a small foil package with WWW stamped on it.

"Sticky shall not tell mistress" Sticky finally said while the two Wood cousins smiled triumphantly. _Houseleves!_

_AN:_

_I may have missed some typos. Thnks for reading._


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